The RiceBunny Scale

Wednesday, April 6, 2011 11:13 AM By Stephen J Christophers

It never ceases to amaze me, how it's thus, society seems set-up in support of the mentally deranged: the morbidly obese Ohio man who grew around a chair he sat in for two years; or, a 180 kg woman with a rash of facial hair, that need only, pop down to the in-vitro clinic, and then live off of her child support ... Ga-Ga Psychics!!!

It seems to me that you need only show marginal signs of mental aptitude and creative drive in today's current climate, and society does a runner, huddles around a God Warrior or a Soccermum to seek spiritual guidance over a Soy la'tæ; "I Know, Brenda..."

To explore this relationship further, we might very well do with a female rating system: an account of what men really think; a system which might well need-come with a mental health warning for our Brenda, lets coin it: The RiceBunny Scale. Not that all men are the same; fear not, for the beta-male is an incessant commodity,"Brenda, how are Ron's Hemorrhoids these days, darling?"

If I had to first find some traits of female personality beyond aesthetics, those which excelled a standard of quality, post 60WPM, MSOffice and the coffee shop repartee - Lyse Doucet has it in spades. Lyse Doucet is quite possible the only women I could ever respect enough as a professional; to have as a mentor, a teacher or boss - and to quote:

"One of the privileges of being a journalist is that you have a licence to ask questions. You can go anywhere and whether it's a man in the village you come across in Africa or the Head of State you meet in the lift, you always feel that you have this right, that you can ask questions that matter." -- Lyse Doucet

Although Lyse, is quite the woman, she's not Michelle Phan (AKA RiceBunny):

Let me introduce you to the RiceBunny Scale: it's my personal rating system, against which, all prospective partners are measured. On the RiceBunny 1~10 scale it is imperative she rate higher than 8.0, a level at which I'm personally happy to consider, those painful possibilities: like marriage, rice babies and holding her handbag while she goes to the ladies room. The RiceBunny scale is an aesthetics rating system, where RiceBunny is the pinnacle - we're not looking for Lyse Doucet here, although, we will get back to her later.

Those with a bi-polar disorder will recognise the a trend; that in-fact we have separated intellectual qualities from those of aesthetics. Even though both share some similar personally traits; individually however, they're extremes of the female personality types.

So where does The God Warrior and our fictitious Soccermum Brenda - where do they fit in? Well, unlike Lysne and Michelle, they're the Anti-hero, to the male Alpha-Gamma stereo types. Both Lysne and Michelle would attract Alpha-Gamma male personality types, where Brenda and The God Warrior, Beta-male personality types. For example:

[Brenda sitting on the toilet before work, head in hands, and sobbing quietly to herself] Brenda: ...my life feels worthless ... well, well I'm respected for being a good Team Leader ... and, I have Ron ... but it's just not enough ... maybe, just maybe, the new multi-function Whirlpool washing machine we're getting on Saturday will cheer me up a little ... and, I love a Wendy's hot-dog at the Mall ... Ron! Where's the bloody toilet paper, love!? Ron: Have you looked under the sink!? Brenda: ...are the kids up!?

The trick is, to have your own RiceBunny Scale, with its own 'Beta Tolerance Index' - mine is very low. For me, Michelle has everything, even the Lysne personality traits I find most appealing. And, fortunately for our Brenda and her group-hug Women's Liberal Committee fueling up at our local Starbucks; one is able to find an s-curve of Beta-males, just waiting to be fished from those stagnant waters, otherwise-known-as, the suburban demographic.


: : Music for inspiration : : I Kissed a Dark-sided Person : :

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