'Brenda' - The Great Australian Screenplay

Sunday, May 8, 2011 10:06 AM By Stephen J Christophers

'Brenda' - The Great Australian Screenplay by yours truly. Soundtrack: Nouvelle Vague: "Heart Of Glass" Paul Kelly Band: " From Little Things Big Things Grow" and more... Note: to start this project with an idea in mind that quality, talented Australians - lest we forget - are abound ... just not by virtue of this script.

This is the first track, from the Soundtrack: Nouvelle Vague - Heart Of Glass:

Anyway, for a long-time now I've had some ideas for a Great Australian Screenplay (screamplay); about the life of Brenda, a suburban mother - I'm fishing for grant money of cause. Although, under all the pretence and "Razamataz" hides a chilling tale of suburban boredom and neglect, one otherwise swept under the couch during an AFL match, and those times; those times, we envisage Kathy Freeman, legging-it through the bush being pursued by the Crocodile Hunter with his pants down.

Before you get carried away, this will be an on going project, much like, 'The Book of Benjamin' where in both cases, I need to work on the finer details; those of story, script, cast, shoot locations etc; the list goes on. However, I'm dammed if I'm not going to be able to squeeze Hugh Jackman into it somewhere, one of the girls from Kath & Kim and a fibro-asbestos bungalow on a quarter acre of land somewhere or another, between the Blue Mountains and Rooty Hill.

So, for now I'll give you a taste of what's to come; in this, a master piece of Australian cinema:


Monologue: Narrator (Hugh Jackman) Opening Sequence - Scene 1 Act 1:

'...and, had Brenda only realised, her generic human resource position was indirectly the result of Australian mineral mining wealth trickling down into mainstream society: regardless, powerful she felt, as she over indulged in her passionate use of that extra roll of toilet paper, this morning, in the office latrine; and, power was hers as she kept under careful scrutiny the placement of new sales staff within the ranks of Dick Smith Electronics and their most prized client, David Jones.'

Scene 2 Act 1:
[Brenda at work: on Facebook: Tanya's Baby Pictures]

Brenda: Well, she's lovely ... but, I don't want to be the first to comment though, it might make me look a little, clucky ... Oh, but look at that pink bib!

Ronda: Would you like a coffee, Bren, love?

Brenda: Yes please, you know how I like it ... Ron love, look at Tan's baby pics .. aren't they, Oh ... aren't they just divine?

Ronda: Are you going to comment?

Brenda: Maybe, maybe I'll just tick the "Like Button" ... If I show too much interest, we might get a visit ... and, and you know how much Ron gets ants-in-his-pants about Tan's hubby Philip and his obsession over regurgitating Australian botanical history around our bush-block - like a contestant on the Einstein Factor.

Ronda: Bugger him, the bibs beautiful ... ask them over on Sunday. I can bring the kids and we can make a day of it.

Brenda: I don't know, Ron's hemorrhoids are really playing-up this week, really Ronda ... I'll comment though ... "Beautiful bib Tan, darling. kiss kiss love love ... see you at Starbucks!!!"

Ronda: And add, "Ron can't wait to meet the little chap" ... that'll settle the matter.

Brenda: OK, done!

[Brenda and Ronda settle down to their desks, to check their email etc - Ronda retorts unhappily]

Ronda: It's all, WordPress templates mirroring pilfered content, spamming, Digg and Facebook, Data Mining, not to mention fluffing it all on Twitter... They call it,"Social Media Marketing." I mean, the list goes on, Brenda. When you get to the bottom of it, it's just some online marketing robots polluting the system with more spawned pussy movies from Youtube... and, then selling their traffic data or clicks for a buck. There's just no substance there, and when you do find it, no one seems to show the least bit of interest in it.

Brenda: Here I have an email from 'Asian Pussy Online,' is that one of those marketing robots, Ronda. They keep sending emails promoting their, 'Hello Kitty Club."
[Brenda with a puzzled look, says to herself, '...well I guess I'll find out at our Social Media Workshop.' Brenda also up dates her Facebook status: "...a Social Media Workshop, in town today. It's all go Peeps, lov... Kiss, hug :0)"]

-- Five Hours Later --

[Brenda updates her Facebook status from her Smart phone: ‎"62.5 in the workshop test today peeps, GROUP-HUG!!! - Lov. Bren. :0)"]

-- Two Hours Later --

[Brenda has a Twitter account @BrendaLoveless and receives a notice to her Hotmail account welcoming her: "The number of the beast! ...but, it's work orientated! ...everything will be, OK!?" she retorts to herself, silently.]

Monologue: Narrator (Hugh Jackman) 'Everything will be, OK!' Sequence:

'Randomness ... then, that sudden, without account... collapse in the wave function ... the moment that makes one ask, 'but, will it, really, Peeps?' [..he said.]

Brenda: Surly... [..she, replied.]

Monologue: Narrator (Hugh Jackman) The Warwick Capper look-a-like sequence:

'...Back in the day, Brenda was quite the girl about town. At the pinnacle of adolescence, she mused over her lost virginity to a Warwick Capper look-a-like in the portaloos at a Jimmy Barnes concert - nothing would ever top it. Living from the cast-offs that bounced around her close friend Cheryl, Brenda made fair pickings. Then, at the local RSL Club, and from the Sydney Swans supporters, after a match at the local watering hole... That was until, she bagged Ronald, a love triangle, a match of the minds, with an old class mate Veronica, which saw her reign victorious. And, the point at which, I purchased her soul for a song.'

Third Song on the Soundtrack: Give Me a Reason (Portishead - Glory Box remix)

Scene 3 Act 1:
[Brenda and Tanya, interview on-site at Dick Smith: after the interview talk/banter]

Brenda: It's just no good ... and experience aside ... he didn't seem to be coming at issues from the same angle as I do. I can't give it to a man like that.

Tanya: So, your going to give the position to that little Chinese girl ... what was her name?

Brenda: 'Xiao Mi Mi' ... something like that ... anyway, that "Hello Kitty" Bag ... I was sold on that, too cute, Tan.

Tanya: Yes, marks for the bag.

[for point of reference: it should have been Xiao Mei Mei]

Tanya:It's a long weekend this weekend, Bren ... what are your plans Love? Personally, I'm going to see Oprah Winfrey at the Opera House with the girls.

Brenda: I saw it on 'The Great Outdoors' last week ... I'm packing-up the Tarago and taking Ron and the kids on an 'Olive Oil' tasting weekend in the Riverland region of South Australia - Ron's loving the idea ... I got him a special cushion.

Tanya: That's adventurous Bren... very.

Brenda: Yes.

[Tanya takes a long look into her coffee at her reflection; Brenda smiles... enigmatically]

Scene 4 Act 1:

[Ronald in the home office]

Ronald: ...as gun shots ring out over Southwest Sydney, another boat load of Iranians set sail with a monkey. That's the lucky country.

...as a parent and child AstroTurf campaign forms over an old growth forest... in Canberra bats are burning. That's the Lucky cunt...

Bee Lee tunes his G-string at The Basement... you can gamble everything for love... that's the lucky country... your going to be all-right.

SUVs and mini-vans in the rush-hour traffic... you know it's not cricket; Jenny Craig pushing Vietnamese spring rolls onto Magda Szubanski...

I hope she's alright.
I hope she's alright.
That's the lucky country.

Third Test: Australia v India - The Mentalist - CSI: Crime Scene Investigation - 2012 Santos Tour Down Under. That's the Channel 9 TV Guide...

Brenda: What are you doing, Ronald?
Ronald: ...writing a song for Australia's Got Talent.. for the kids rehearsal on Sunday! Brenda, I'm stuck on the next verse... what rhymes with, Bert Newton?

Soundtrack: Gamble Everything For Love - Ben Lee

[Dinner with Ron and Benda, the night before the road trip; Ron sitting in front of Channel Nine News, having a dummy-spit.]

Ron: So, I'm right in saying the Federal Reserve is currently printing money overtime? Then pumping it into the system to support the banks who channel it back into the stock market. So, quote me if I'm wrong here: speculating on non- performing assets is a good thing, right? Like saying, thirty years of mortgage payments, and time, love and effort is going to increase the value of asbestos. So, creating a hedge fund by using our presumed speculated margins to insure (Bet) against the rapid deprecation in asbestos. In the end we have a lot of people milking asbestos, and Big-a pile of asbestos, thirty years of hard work around asbestos, and did I say? ...a lot of crap related to asbestos, and a F'ing great pile of "value added" asbestos. I love Asbestos, Brenda, I really do!

Brenda: ...well, you know what they say about Asbestos, it's a good fire retardant ... and we need all the help we can get living on a bush-block. ...are you ready for dinner love? It's your favorite, Butter Chicken.

Scene 1 Act 2:

Monologue: Narrator (Hugh Jackman) Silent House:

'...the house was silent, it had time to breathe, Hope could re-enter now; and through the crack by the doorway, it shone to illuminate an old child support application form and Pizza Hut specials menu Brenda had placed by the phone. The house was too small for Hope - when Brenda was around - as it danced on the rays of sunlight usually unable to bend thus around Brenda's huge gravitational pull, and touch Ronald and the children in the way they all yearned to be...'

Nick Cave - God is in the house

[Brenda, Ron and Kids on the road]

Ron: Kids ... lets play a game.

Kids: What Dad!?

Ron: If you see a dog ... I want you to shout out, loudly ... "A Dingo took my baby!" ...and, if you see five before our next petrol stop, I'll buy you both an ice-cream.

Brenda: That's not very nice, Ron.

[A pan-shot of the Tarago going down the road, driving erratically, and kids shouting, "A Dingo..."]

The Passenger - Siouxsie and the Banshees

[One hour later, lots and lots of Dingos]

Ron: You'll have to pull over Brenda, I need to go to the toilet.

Brenda: Number ones or twos, love? ...don't forget your cream, either way ... you know how it helps.

‎[Brenda, Ron and the Kids: back on the road after their pit-stop and making good time in the mighty Tarago, Ron riding shotgun, eyes peeled looking out for speed cameras]

Brenda: Oh, Ron! ... it's that Bieber Track! Turn-It-Up! ... a little, love. The kids love this song!

Ron: Are you sure? ....we might blow the sub in the boot!?

Brenda: Hows your cushion darling? ....are you sitting on it properly? ... lalala .... wait for it, I love this bit ... "I will never say never!" ... Sing along kids!"

Ron: The kids are asleep, Bren!

[Ron playing with the tuning of the radio: ".... we got the street Suckers! ... we got the street Suckers! Scratch-Scratch ... names change the game remains the same... " -- A song by Chinese man]

Brenda: What are you doing Ron? Change it back to Life FM Adelaide, right now! - that beat sounds ungodly! ...did you know 'Olive' is an anagram of, 'I love,' Ron?

Ron: Really, Brenda? ...Olive oil, Olive oil...

[Ron turns it back to LifeFM]

-- One hour later --

Ron: Are you sure you know where your going Brenda? It's getting dark, and this road is shaking the life out of the children.

[Ron could also observed that Brenda was wearing her "Christian Mind Games" T-shirt without a bra. Plot Background: 'Christian Mind Games' - a Christian female Filipino cover band, that used to rock Panthers World of Entertainment every Sunday night before the lead singer married an Australian for immigration and residency purposes. Although, the other members of the band were deported, they now rub shoulders with Charice on her world tour - Brenda purchased the toaster, and Ronald got her the T-shirt for christmas]

Brenda: Don't use that tone with me. Just take in the olive trees Ron, and I'll stop at the next place...

[Brenda was sweating a bit, as she hadn't seen the Healthy Olive road sign anywhere. She took the next turn-off into a long driveway, that snaked it's way up the hill to a group of lodgings where they might ask for directions]

Scene 2 Act 2:

[Notes:Brenda stood her ground in fear. He looked the type of man that could spit on her, and then give her good reason to clean it up]

Old Man: Mind the dog... [he said abruptly] ...there are people he just doesn't like. [A pure white German Shepard sniffed around Ron's crotch as he tried to back-off towards the car.] Jesus, get out of there! [he shouted]

[Jesus returned to the mans side, and sat with his eyes firmly pinned on Brenda - like he was going to pounce ... Brenda, spoke in a pitch not heard since she tried to sing along with Justin Bieber back on the highway]...

Brenda: Is this Healthy Olive B&B?[she spluttered]

There was a long silence before the man spoke: No, I can't say it is ... Jesus isn't one for healthy olives, are you boy?

Brenda:Lets go Ron.

[But, before she received her answer, she turned around, to notice Ronald and the Children were in the car, faces pressed against the window in silence. It was coming on dusk now, as Brenda side stepped back to the van. Jesus and the old man looked on, as she fumbled around for the key, before trying to start the engine.]

Monologue:Narrator(Hugh Jackman)Scene 2 Act 3 The Protagonist:

'...so, I say to the protagonist, woman is a fickle beast, and generally speaking a poor driver - Brenda was no exception. It came to pass over a Celine Dion number - fairly painfully as I recall - Brenda would get the Job, the two Children, a thirty five year mortgage, a new Tarago every two years and Ronald; and in exchange, I her soul. Although, the bigger the beast, the fickle does want more, so as did Brenda. Happiness would never be, more so, guilt would see her turn to prayer and paranoia. But, the love she so desired would elude her, and so the selling of Aussie holidays to the world in a two piece bikini like Elle McPherson. ...and there it was, the downfall of woman spun on jealousy, should there ever be a finer example unfold.'

Monologue: Narrator (Hugh Jackman) The Black Stump:

'...when you got to the bottom of it, there were two types of men in Sydney in the late 80's; around the time Brenda and Ronald first met: there were those who had ambition to ventured beyond the Black Stump (a Steakhouse Restaurant on Penant Hills Rd) and those that hadn't. Ronald was of the latter disposition. A young mail room employee for a large Pharmaceutical company in Macquarie, to whom, Brenda made easy pickings.' [This Monologue is currently floating around homeless]


Funny But Dubious:

[Ronald: half an hour with Dr. Christophers at $105+ GST] Dr. Christophers: Talk to me Ronald. Ronald: let me put it this way ... If I had the money, I'd commission a work from Ron Mueck. It would be a fetal size "Brenda" on a huge fishing hook, dangling by itself in the middle of an open gallery space. Large enough for people to sniff around like fish, but never actually take a bite. Dr. Christophers: Okey, Ronald. I'm getting the picture Brenda could be an issue for you this week. So. let me pose this scenario: What would one say, if she [Brenda] were to ask you: "How do I look today?" If she looked, let us say, a little rotund in her white tracksuit with "Vote Julia Gillard" skivvy on... How would you respond, Ron? Ronald: Check the mirror, you look like fucking Elle Macpherson. Dr. Christophers: Okey, I'm going to recommend we double your dose of Xannax, this week.

Brenda: I love what I do... I mean I don't do much. I have the type of skills required to man the International Space Station. Maybe, I'm just twenty years ahead of the rest of you - I don't know. Ronald: Some days I can smell you coming like shit on a BMX tyre.

Ronald: The Key is to develop as many incompatible systems as possible to support the tech jobs industry - fuck content. And then farm breeders - like a huge pig farm, Brenda - to support the countless number of spawned instances of "Ab Blaster" as can be channeled through systems like, YardBarker, ShitUpon, Throwpile, Adfry, Buzzzzzzzzzzy, Stuffpit, zakladok, Shitter, Youmob, Delicious, Google+, Friendfeed, vkrugudruzei, A-men Me... Brenda: What category do we fit into, Ronald?

[Ronald to Brenda] Ronald: I'm just reading the kids a story before we hit Ronda's BBQ tonight, love. [Ronald quietly reading out the entry for "Political correctness" from Wikipedia to the Children, and fielding questions] "Political correctness: (adjectivally, politically correct; both forms commonly abbreviated to PC) is a term which denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social and institutional offense in occupational, gender, racial, cultural, sexual orientation, certain other religions, beliefs or ideologies, disability, and age-related contexts, and, as purported by the term, doing so to an excessive extent. ...the term politically incorrect connotes language, ideas, and behavior unconstrained by a perceived orthodoxy or by concerns about offending or expressing bias regarding various groups of people."

Brenda: It serves him right, that Kevin Rudd and his 'teach Australians a foreign language blurb' - who wants to learn Chinese as a second language... and hes no good at kissing babies, Julia has that in the bag. Ronald: Botswana... did you know? Brenda: What, Ronald? Ronald: Never-mind. It's almost time for Beach Patrol.

The Next Day:

‎[Brenda singing along to Neon Hitch - on the way to picking up the kids from school in the Toyota Tarago - thinking about Justin Bieber and girlfriend Selena Gomez] Brenda: "I know she's perfect and worth it - oh. Yea she's beautiful. But can she love you and touch until you go - oh. You keep on trying to hide it, but we both know - oh... She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta... Etta etta etta etta etta eh"

Narrator: Ron's going to Tanya's fancy dress party as Ronald McDonald, and Brenda, the Quarter Pounder with Cheese. It was all Ronald's idea, and it's fair to say she was totally unimpressed with it, that was until she saw the McNuggets costumes for the kids.

[Ronald drinking his morning coffee and reading the paper over breakfast] Ronald: I have a theory: when we consider all those Backpackers that go missing each year in Australia, it's quite possible, when you crunch the numbers on it, that they're being kept as sex slaves, locked in a room underneath that Pentecostal Church in Bullham Hills - and further, being forced to speak in tongues. It's just a theory at this point Brenda, so I would try to keep it to yourself, love.

Brenda: I could have sworn I spotted Justin Bieber at Westfield Franklins, Ron. I tried to followed him down the dog food isles, but, got cornered by a Valco twin baby stroller comming up the other way - and lost him.

[Brenda talking to Ronald over breakfast] Brenda: Philip told me yesterday that Tony Abbott tightened the manifold bolt on his new Limited Edition Holden Commodore on a visit to the factory - what is it with him? If it's not our Gravilia Robusta damping-off, with a case of necrosis, it's Lerps in our Eucalyptus Salignas... Ronald: One-upmanship, Brenda. What did you say, love? Brenda: I told him Julia Gillard kissed my cousin Sharon's baby and they've a photo to prove it.

[Ronald and Brenda watching the Discovery Channel] Ronald: What is it with these people? Do they seriously think they're able to save the world by living off Bananas and Granola. Brenda: Pizza Hut, have a new cheesy crust family special on this week, love. I can get one of the Kids to give them a ring.

[Could be a Monologue] "Without a positive feedback loop, a high volume of web-traffic is still worthless, like giving Brenda the title of Director of Creative Engineering or something similar, and expecting a thorough and dynamic exploration of the positions potential fitness landscape. Which always brings me back to, things are what they are until they are something different."

[Could be a Monologue] When you sit down and spend a few hours talking to a multi-millionaire: if they like you; you get along. They're not afraid to talk business; get down to the nitty-gritty; maybe they throw you a line, point out where the capital flows and h...ow you hook yourself in. It's an easy business, money isn't a dirty word, and the politics becomes irrelevant.

But, If you sit down with an Australian over a Corona at a BBQ you end up talking shit; children, AFL or the latest reality TV shows. Everything becomes irrelevant and regurgitated. Your world narrows to a place in the system, or their place in the system and the politics around it.

The next day you end-up waking to a hangover: a milder distaste does prevail towards one who sees those bound by lack of ambition. And cast together, comfort be felt by the common alike; their dreams solidify by ripples in communication across the social media networks of a collapse in the wave function, to be held next Friday night at 7:30 around Ronald's latest variable burner imported from China.

Brenda: Now, that Kochie, hes a nice man. I borrowed 'Kochie's 101 Ways to Survive 2009' from the library last week, Ronald. You could learn a thing or two. I might buy Tanya a copy for her birthday. She's always asking me for advise. Ronald: It's 2011, Brenda.

Ronald's Greek friend comes around to borrow his Halfords Professional 33 piece Metric Ratchet Spanner Set: Australia: It was sold to us as the land of opportunity. I look at it this way: in Athens, we have these hustlers that hang around the tourist spots, they play this game, 'now you see it, now you don't' when all your money has gone, they disappear like magic. Ronald: I try to consider the glass being half full with Brenda... 10, 16 and 18mm you said, Tony.

[Ronald and Brenda watching the Discovery Channel] Ronald: What is it with these people? Do they seriously think they're able to save the world by living off Bananas and Granola. Brenda: Pizza Hut have a new cheesy crust family special on this week, Ronald, love. I can get one of the Kids to give them a ring.

[Brenda and Ronald on the way to pick-up the kids from AFL practise: Ronald singing along to Brenda's Justin Bieber CD] Ronald: " I close my eyes and pray. I close my eyes I can see a better day. ...close my eyes and pray." Brenda: Jesus, Ronald! ... Keep your eyes on the road! You almost hit that white Toyota Camry.

When Brenda feels threatened, she's usually off like a false start at a pie eating competition: Ronald: What is it with us Australians trying to turn everything we do into a competition...? Brenda: ...you were born in Tasmania Ron. What do you know about winning?!

Ronald: I'd like to join a support group to encourage middle-age women with children to aim for more appropriate positions, like service jobs at McDonald's family restaurants. Rather than high profile positions where single men and women have the time to excel. Brenda: Isn't there a Facebook group... or, we could start one, and include Dick Smith and David Jones... I'm always on the look out for new sales staff - and I've told you how hard it is to get someone to work the Childrens' Boutique section at DJ's. Ronald: Your the 'Wind Beneath My Wings,' Brenda.

Ronald: Sometimes, at night, I wake-up with a start, fingding myself in a cold sweat, with that feeling life is racing by like a cyclist on 'le tour de Cabramatta.' Then, all of a sudden, I see Brenda, reach over to the cabinet, and fish around for another Valium, and the Eno, in the dark, trying not to wake her up.

Nouvelle Vague - I Melt With You


When we talk about extremes, there are a variety of situations where they rear their head - life seems full of them. Take for example, the Australian love of sports, and the old adage; "water always takes the easiest path." In any case, but, more-so in this one, all fingers point towards Australian Rules Football as an ebb-and-flow process for young aboriginal fellas from the bush to integrate, more-or-less seamlessly into Aussie mainstream society; and further, giving hope to all the lonely city girls attending a Monday night charity speed dating session club side - with stars in their eyes, God bless them. Brenda: True, that. I spend hours on 'LisaJs Indigenous AFL Players site' some days.

The Little Abo Boy:

Brenda had only once seen an aboriginal person, and that was sleeping in a doorway in Kings Cross while on a girls night out. She thought at the time he would make a good advertisement for Victoria Bitter: with his t-shirt half tucked-in, and surrounded by an array of empty long-neck bottles, all perched upon white plastic BBQ chairs; body slumped over awkwardly in a semi-reclined fashion. She assumed they were all the same, and none spoke very good English. As she approached Ron and the old man prodding around at the front of the vehicle, she didn't notice the young boy sneaking up on her. "Oi... miss!" he shouted. "You want buy a Goanna, miss?" The young boy shoved the dead reptile up into her face." "Filthy!" she shouted, as she tried to shoo him off like a pesky blowfly. Brenda started to call out for Ron as the boy turned around and wondered off in disappointment, down the track, and toward Brenda's two children who looked to be throwing stones at the sheep in the field adjacent. "...you can get it walking, you can get it talking, you can get it milking a cow, matter of fact, I got it now..." started looping over in her head as she drew closer to the men at work on the Tarago. It was desperately hot, and her Christian Mind Games t-shirt was a little on the nose now... "all fixed love ... all fixed?" she enquired positively, of the affair, as she stumbled on a little closer... Ron: No, love.. it looks like you truly *ucked it. Brenda: Get out of here, I did nothing of the sort..


[Brenda talking business with Ronald] Brenda: ...as 'Team Leader' I'd be the first to go... Ronald: What are you going on about, Brenda? Brenda: ...it's the new corporate strategy game; head-hunting team talent. Firstly, they take the cream, then the rest... I'd put in the word for Tanya, obviously. Ronald: If you say so, Brenda.

[Brenda at the Psychiatrists]

Scenario 2: Psychiatrist: I'm going to fire some random questions at you today, Brenda. I'd like you to respond with the first thing that comes into your mind. It wont hurt, and there are no right or wrong answers. Brenda: Ok! Psychiatrist: The Global Economic Crisis. Brenda: A pair of pink Adidas 3 stripe women's pumps on special, for $19.99 at Kmart. Psychiatrist: Marriage. Brenda: Babies; Children; Child Support, The Home Office; Ronald; A pair of pink Adidas 3 stripe women's pumps... Psychiatrist: From Kmart, Brenda??? Brenda: No, Doctor! IKEA. Psychiatrist: Barbra Streisand. Brenda: Warwick Capper; Rooty Hill RSL. Psychiatrist: Freedom. Brenda: Pizza Hut... Super Supreme Special. Psychiatrist: Sex. Brenda: Warwick Capper; Portaloo; Rooty Hill RSL. Psychiatrist: Beauty. Brenda: Baby Photos; Little Pink or Blue Booties. Psychiatrist: Happiness: Brenda: A Wendy's Hot Dog. Psychiatrist: Love. Brenda: A pair of pink Adidas 3 stripe women's pumps on special, for $19.99. Psychiatrist: ...from Kmart, Brenda? Brenda: Yes, Doctor. Psychiatrist: Friends. Brenda: Babies; People with babies... anyone who loves AFL. How about security? Brenda: Chocolate; a glass of Hunter Valley Red; Ronald on a ladder cleaning the gutters; three children on child support... can I have more than one, Doctor? Psychiatrist: be my guest, Brenda. Brenda: a pair of pink Adidas 3 stripe women's pumps on special, for $19.99 at Kmart, Doctor.

[Narrator of Dr. Stephen J. Christophers] Narrator: As an extraordinarily brilliant part-time psychologist, 'the doctor' is always coming up with new and interesting analytical and reasoning tests; tests to evaluate and psychologically profile his patients, such as Brenda. Take for example this one: You've a family of four; mother, father and two children. And an old single man with kidney proble...ms - not long to live.

Scenario 2: The world has run out of food, except for a Super-size Zinger Burger Meal Deal, and small potato and gravy. You know either way, it would be the last thing any of them would eat. So, to whom do you give it? The family, in which case it would be little of a meal, between four. Or, the Old man to whom it would bring full satisfaction, if only until the next day.

There's no right or wrong answer, of cause. And one could indeed, and in theory, just keep it to ones self. The doctor did observe of Brenda, and pencil into his notepad: "In this case, such a meal would be little more than starters."

Nevertheless, it would profile her individual, and particular disposition towards basic social tendencies. Note: Brenda when posed with this particular quandary divided the meal thus: The Children would get the fries, and would share the potato and gravy, with their father. Who would also share the Coke with the children. More importantly, Brenda would get the Zinger Burger and Ice - if she were to look after them properly over their decline. The other family, and the old man - it would be best not to prolong their suffering.

Night in without the kids:

Impeccable organisational skills: Brenda, thus, promptly pre-heats the oven for their Pizza Hut home delivery order after news of Ronald's late arrival (Stuck in rush hour traffic). For reference: One Mia 3 for $13 Special and Meatball Napolitana (for two), with a bottle of Hunter Valley Cab Sra Merlot Red Ronald purchased from Vintage Cellars bargain bucket for $6:49, shortly after renting, Costa's Garden Odyssey, Series 2 from Video Ezy on Blu-ray - the kids are with Tanya.

On-line Shopping:

[Ronald of Brenda] For lunch - on a good day - she can eat three Four'N Twenty Meat Pies, and use 2/3 of a bottle of ketchup... none of that "Fancy" stuff mind you, only Heinz Tomato Ketchup, which she orders on-line and gets delivered to work once a month. She says, "...it's cheaper that way, Ronald." I say, give and take. I'm personally of the opinion: she's fishing for on-line credibility with... Ronda, and that woman from the IT department she likes so much. Rather, the benefits of recycled plastics... and, the cardiovascular workout she claims it gives her, by carrying the 32-Ounce EZ Squeeze six pack from the front door to the office kitchen; and the energy she then uses to email 'her' from IT and visit Tanya and Ronda at their desks, to tell of the difficulty she'd had finding room for them in the office fridge.

also - Brenda loved speaking about the joys of religion to little ones, but didn't realise, psychology much like religion - it's a two part delivery system. There's the dream, then a manifestation of the dream... "So, I have to die to reach the Kingdom of Heaven?" said the little aboriginal kid. "Yes, like that lizard you shoved in my face."

To continue the delusion@BrendLoveless Twitter.
This is the second song from the sound track:Paul Kelly: "From Little Things Big Things Grow"

Filmmaker Magazine: 'Brenda' was riveting cinema. I can remember back to the time of 'JAWS' we didn't go near Dee Why Beach for weeks afterwards. I suspect that a lot of Australian men will feel the same about bunkering down with their better half after this move ... what was your inspiration?

SJC: Yes, well, we can firstly consider it an homage to, The Shining. I'd say it possesses elements of The Office, nevertheless... and, one feels, not to give much away, that the same spirit can be felt, so on and so fourth...

-- and remember, when I say: "I love you all, for loving me. ...and lastly. I would love to thank all those friends and family, without whose tireless support, and generosity ... I should possibly have done without." on Australian Oscars® night.